Golf Quotes

Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course - the distance between your ears." - Bobby Jones

"I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game: it's called an eraser." - Arnold Palmer

"If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is." - Horace G. Hutchinson

"Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one. " - Martha Beckman

"Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad." - A.A. Milne

"Eighteen holes of match or medal play will teach you more about your foe than will 18 years of dealing with him across a desk." - Grantland Rice

"Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing." - Ben Hogan

"“It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.” - Hank Aaron


Golf Jokes

Two men walk up to a relatively long par three. The golfer says to his caddy, "Looks like a 4-wood and a putter"
The caddy hands him the 4-wood and he tops it about five feet in front of him.The caddy immediately hands him his putter and responds, "It looks like you got one hell of a putt left!"

Two golfers join up at the first tee and each explains that due to a psychological problem, they play slightly differently than most golfers. The soon learn that they both have the same doctor who has prescribed a game of golf using an imaginary golf ball to reduce stress. So they tee off with their imaginary balls. After a day of splitting fairways and hitting nothing less then eagles, birdies and pars, they reach the 18th hole. The first one indicates because they are equal in their score that he should hit first. So he tees off with his imaginary ball. "Look at that, a beautiful shot just on the edge of the green." The second guy hits his imaginary ball and indicates that it has also landed on the edge next to the other ball. The first guy lines up and drains his 20-footer to the bottom of the cup."You wouldn't believe it, my ball just rolled into the cup, I win." The second guy responds, "You won't believe it either, you just hit my ball."

A young boy was walking along a golf course caddying for his dad when he sees an old man teeing off from 3 yards in front of the tee box. He says, "Excuse me sir, but your ball is supposed to be in line with the tee box, or slightly behind it." "That's great son." the old man replies. "Now do you mind shutting up while I take my second shot?"

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole."Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. "Oh great! NOW you tell me." said the beginner.